The Orchard

Petrified werewolf excrement with a telegraphed punchline and tension akin to a bingo tournament in a retirement home. A bored Thomas Jane seems like he's eaten too many tacos and can't burp, and Katrina Bowden, who was thirty at the time of filming, plays the role of a teenage daughter, which the creators also nailed. The film physically hurts, but on the other hand, if the beginning, middle, and end were swapped, it might not be so bad. (02/09/2024)